After a rollicking Hanukkah, we at The Daily Kibitz are placing a "hold" on the usual commentary and instead offer up a real hodge-podge of what The War On Christmas is all about.
Let's start out with experiencing a Christmas Party with our old friend Bob Dylan. It really looks like the sort of soiree that would have been great fun to attend. Bob is kind of a hybrid Jew-Christian anyway, so the Klezmer sound here fits. Bob Dylan sings "Must Be Santa" and it's pretty great!
OK, we will never know what happened to that drunk who was booted out of the party. But Bob and Santa seem to know. Speaking of Santa, here is the Holiday Classic Of The Ages - the SNL take on when Santa was too sick to deliver on Christmas Eve, so he makes an emergency call to his old friend, Hanukkah Harry. Word of warning: you will have to endure an ad to get to this truly golden video. It's well worth it:
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/hanukkah-harry/n9852?snl=1
"Here are some nice slacks. They're a little big, but you'll grow into them." Oh, SNL, you were good.
For a glimpse into some really weird Christmas customs, check out this next link. Our favorite involves the newsworthy Spanish province of Catalonia. Their custom involves ceramic figures that are taking a poo, and then hiding them in Nativity Scenes for an odd game of Where's Waldo. The rest of Spain probably wants them to be independent:
http://www.sfgate.com/holidays/slideshow/16-strange-Christmas-traditions-from-around-the-53703.php
Speaking of odd, here is the entryway designed by Melania Trump for the White House Christmas. Not a jolly Ho Ho Ho, but definitely some Nightmare Before Christmas vibes:
Yikes! Let's bump the mood with a quick blast of Super Soul by the late, great Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings. Sharon passed last year and the world is so much worse because she was The Best! Here she is belting out "White Christmas" and there isn't a White Supremacist in sight:
Speaking of White, there is a goofy Christmas-time tradition in Gavle, a town in Sweden. Every year, a giant straw goat is constructed in the town square. It's nice and cute and serves as a tourist draw for the town:
http://www.visitgavle.se/en/gavle-goat
But the goat has a hard time staying safe. Since the town began erecting this straw statue back in 1966, it has been destroyed (usually by fire) far more times than it has survived. Here is a video of the Goat being attacked and burned from a previous Christmas - the footage is from the security video installed to help stop incidents like this - it doesn't work:
Please, for a good laugh, go to this link for the Wikipedia page on the Gavle Goat and scroll down to The Timeline portion. It is wonderful stuff!!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gävle_goat
Speaking of wonderful stuff, here is another dip into SNL's glory days. It's a terrific "lost ending" of "It's A Wonderful Life" and it fulfills everyone's wishes about what should have happened to Old Man Potter:
The Daily Kibitz does not endorse any commercial ventures, but if you're stuck on getting a holiday gift for someone special, consider the tried and true sweater present:
Christmas music plays really well when it's performed in the style of The Devil's Music. Here is our old friend Chuck Berry, performing his stomping "Run Run Rudolph". Great fun for two minutes!
For many who live in Northern climes, Christmas-time is marked by short snowy days and long freezing nights. It seems inconvenient that Baby Jesus was born around the Winter Solstice, but of course no one really knows when that Holy Night occurred. Instead, we celebrate Christmas on the ancient Roman holiday of Saturnalia. This was a prolonged and often wildly debauched celebration of the Solstice and the God of Saturn. Things changed after Emperor Constantine converted to Christianity in 312 a.d. and the Council of Nicaea codified and streamlined the early Christian faith in 323 a.d. Since then, it's been The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!
There are always sticklers and purists who just can't leave well enough alone. Saturnalia was a special time, no doubt. Thank you, The Onion, for spotlighting this Man-In-The-Street moment:
https://local.theonion.com/area-man-remembers-less-politically-correct-time-when-c-1821397284
There will be no time for such frivolity at the North Pole! Not when Santa hires a "Glengarry Glen Ross"-style motivator to get more production out of the elves. Here is Alec Baldwin reprising his iconic role as the intimidator from David Mamet's great play and movie... done up holiday style!
"Put that cocoa down! Cocoa's for closers..er, cobblers only!" Oh, that is so very good, particularly if one is familiar with the source material. "Glengarry Glen Ross" was about a corrupt real estate office trying to sell crappy properties to unsuspecting "marks". Strip mall real estate is always a tough business, but somehow this holiday season may be different:
For our final musical selection, please enjoy the supremely silly "Santa Lost A Ho". Where'd the other "Ho" go? Santa's feeling mighty low...
On behalf of the entire staff here at The Daily Kibitz, we wish you a safe and happy holiday season! And, as always, thanks for reading!
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