Not the Sharpie-est tool in the shed.

It can be difficult to assess the most inane and ridiculous news story of the not-yet-completed year, but this is surely it. "SharpieGate" fully captures the malignant narcissistic drive of our Sociopath-In-Chief. It also reveals a couple of other themes: to what lengths sycophants will go to accommodate this nitwit's resistance to admitting a mistake; and how Trump's staff is handling his public persona.

As you probably know, SharpieGate began last Sunday when President Trumplethinskin gave a brief public statement regarding Hurricane Dorian and its projected destructive path. He warned the state of Alabama to brace for the hurricane's impact. The problem was that Alabama was not on the projected path of the storm.

And so throughout this week, Trump has been ridiculed for his mistake. But Trump being Trump, he can never admit error, and so he predictably double-downed. Yes, Alabama WAS SO in the path! Yes, it was, TOO!! Cascades of incredulous media responses showed the hurricane path map from last Sunday, which clearly showed that Alabama could relax: Dorian wasn't coming anywhere near it.

All this served to boil over Trump's anger like the lidded pot that contained the bunny in "Fatal Attraction". It was a full-on tweet offensive all week. He couldn't let it go. And by insisting he was right the whole time, it enabled many to check out the story (which would have died and gone away in the 24-hour news cycle, like most of his Trump transgression stories) and see what a doofus he is.

At best, Trump's Alabama blunder was predicated on a previous Wednesday projected map which included a small portion of southeast Alabama. Maybe it stuck in his head (hard to imagine anything sticking in there). Or, probably, he simply used that outdated forecast map when he made his Sunday statement, instead of using the most up-to-date map.

Then on Wednesday, September 4, Trump presented to a breathless nation his now infamous Sharpie forecast map of Dorian's path, calculated on Thursday, August 29. Added onto the NOAA's "cone of possible storm path" was an additional black outlined bubble that was drawn to include far southeast Alabama. He claimed he'd been told that 'Bama had a "95% chance of being hit".

https://www.washingtonpost.com/weather/2019/09/04/president-trump-shows-doctored-hurricane-chart-was-it-cover-up-alabama-twitter-flub/

Of course, this wonderful image of a Sharpie-created outline where no NOAA forecast existed laid the Prez open to a tsunami of ridicule. "SharpieGate" was created!

And because it's well-known that Trump favors using a Sharpie over a crayon or any other writing instrument, speculation rose that he had created the Alabama bubble of projected destruction.

All this gave birth to a remarkable and really splendid barrage of memes. (My favorites will follow what comes next here...) And it's important to note that he was carrying forth with this defense days after Dorian had moved up the Florida coast towards the Carolinas. Everything was about Alabama. Everyone else, not so much (also, Bahama's apocalyptic event - no word on US assistance yet).

Today, there are reports that the NOAA upper management has now backed Trump's assertion that Alabama lay in the path of danger. NOAA climatologists and scientists are aghast and appalled. But it becomes very clear what happened. The NOAA spokesperson is a Trump appointee... and had been a member of his Trump Inaugural Committee. 'Nuff said:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/weather/2019/09/07/noaas-support-president-trump-over-its-own-scientists-provokes-mass-uproar-weather-community/

So there is the sycophant angle, which is sadly predictable. But what is really interesting is how Trump is being managed in his public appearances. His stupid, if brief, public bellowing about Alabama have been among the few Real Time show-ups that he's done recently. In fact, over the last 10 DAYS he has accumulated just 2 HOURS of public exposure. Something is seriously wrong with this dude, and I don't mean attitude-wise. There might be a real health-related issue that is requiring significantly limited and managed exposure to The Outside World. More on this for the next Kibitz.

But now, as promised, here are my favorite SharpieGate memes. Enjoy!!

Oh, this could go on forever. Until next time...

"Dear Nancy Pelosi,"

"She will cut your head off and you won't even know you're bleeding. No one ever won betting against Nancy Pelosi. (She) knows what she is doing - and that should make you sleep at night, knowing that at least somebody in this town knows what they're doing." -- daughter Alexandra Pelosi.

This quote has given some comfort leading up to the 2018 midterms and into 2019. But it no longer supplies succor. The level of unapologetic racism, flat-out obstructionism and unconcealed movement towards authoritarianism from the President and his supporters has become unsustainable. Watching this national train wreck, one wonders what will survive - the American political tradition, or Trumpism. Perhaps neither?

There are few options available to end this nightmare. One conventional method is to vote the bastards out of office in 2020. But this suggests that the election will be unaffected by foreign shenanigans, home-grown voter suppression efforts, and massive pro-Trump media disinformation campaigns. That's unlikely.

Another option is Section Four of the 25th Amendment, which allows a majority of the Cabinet to remove the President if it determines he is incapable or unfit for to serve the office. The Vice-President becomes Acting President. But the President can appeal and then two-thirds of both chambers of Congress need to agree to keep the President from re-acquiring his position. Not likely, even if Trump continues his rapid deterioration into a sphanx-fitting tub of goo. Not this Cabinet.

The other conventional method is a vote on Articles of Impeachment that is passed by the House of Representatives, and a subsequent Senate trial ends with a "convict" verdict from two-thirds of its members. That would do it, except the Senate is controlled by Mitch McConnell and the GOP. Though the Senate has a duty to conduct a trial based on House-passed impeachable offenses, it's far more likely that McConnell and Company would simply change Senate rules. It would be extreme high drama and institution smashing, but The Turtle wouldn't mind. Democracy in America will be officially dead.

What a revolting situation! In the meantime, Democratic presidential candidates and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi have been following Option #1. Pelosi has been encouraging specific House committees (Judiciary and Intelligence among them) to conduct hearings on Trump's various impeachable offenses, becoming "de facto" Impeachment Inquiries. She wants the impeachable offenses laid out for the American public to see and hear, without the polarizing Impeachment process. She understands that very few in the nation (much less those in DC) have read any part of The Mueller Report.

Ideally, the Democrats would be able to show the public the cavalcade of damning transgressions that characterized The Mueller Report, with witnesses speaking and networks videotaping, a la Watergate hearings. With such info, a disgusted but informed public would vote Trump and the GOP out in 2020.

But the problem is that crucial information and witnesses are being made unavailable by across-the-board "stonewalling" techniques by Attorney General Bill Barr and various White House entities. Counteracting such efforts by issuing strongly-worded letters, then subpoenas, then citations of civil contempt, and then criminal contempt, with sundry pauses for court rulings, should take us, oh, into summer of 2020 without any resolution.

So, if you had the chance to ask Nancy Pelosi one question, what would it be? Here is what The Daily Kibitz would ask:

"The USA was born out of an existential crisis and has survived two domestically-driven ones (the Civil War and the early years of the Great Depression). We appear to be in another one now. The Administration operates through a sort of political nihilism where it's OK to ignore laws and rulings, dismantle institutions, damage checks & balances and such, as long as it benefits The Boss. The Senate is run by bad-faith leadership that cares only about maintaining complete control. The guiding principles of the post-war GOP are gone, replaced by a grotesque imperative of bigotry, blinding resentment and willful ignorance. If we were looking at another country, we'd say they're in terrible trouble. So the question is:

"How the hell do we get out of this?"

Seriously, she knows what's up. And when you're going up against the King, you better make your play count. Apparently she is opting for the "death by a thousand cuts", then the coup de grace play against the weakened bull. She understands that right now most Americans don't want an Impeachment.

But this leaky boat is springing more leaks as time goes on. The Ship of State has been taking on water and we are in serious danger.

Our opinion is that Pelosi needs to OK official impeachment inquiries. These hearings have special procedural accelerants that will cut through Administration stonewalls. It's a really big deal to impeach, and once the process is enacted, the requests for info and witnesses supersede claims of executive privilege.

It's not going to get better. We agree with the now ex-British Ambassador who stated confidentially in  diplomatic messages that Trump is inept, incompetent, ignorant and not likely to change. He "radiates insecurity."

Walking through the Fourth of July crowds here in DC, we were struck by the political ugliness of the President's supporters. There were so many attendees wrapped in flags and Trump caps that it made us fear for our country. These are people who have been fired up with lots of fear and loathing. They really believe in the guy. Plenty of vulgar Trump signs, banners, flags and t-shirts at this patriotic family event:

Lots of class -- all low.  We believe that H. Clinton got it right about 50% of his base being "deplorable". She may have been underestimating. They won't be swayed by damning evidence, but the non-base Independents might.

So Nancy Pelosi needs to think this through. She should review this sign on display in the U.S. Holocaust Museum. Read every part and decide if they aren't all being met today by the Trump Administration, the GOP, Fox/Hate Media and White Evangelicals:

And when she's finished with that, she should read this:

Yes, Madam Speaker, we need your help. Time to sharpen the blade. Push forward the necessary process by green-lighting impeachment hearings. Time is no longer on your side. This ship is at serious risk of going down without a rescue.

Oh, Ed. What would you be saying today? "This... is Not America." And he would be right. Good Night and Good Luck, indeed.

A Red, White and Blue USA

It's the Fourth of July, a celebration of the country's independence, personal freedom and the ability to gorge on unhealthy cookout cuisine. It's a holiday for parades, lemonade stands, baseball games, flags flying and bombs bursting in the air. As a kid, the Fourth ranked right behind the Christmas holidays for the best time of year.

And in the spirit of the Last Words Ever Spoken by West Virginians ("Hey Everybody, Watch This!"), the Fourth is a time of going beyond boundaries to exercise stupid behavior. Every year there are post-Fourth news reports of idiots who have maimed or put an end to themselves through misadventure. Your own Daily Kibitz has experienced a few near-death experiences during ridiculous Fourths. Thankfully, all of our fingers are intact.

The Daily Kibitz is heading down to the National Mall to witness present day stupid behavior. As you may know, President Me First has turned the traditional fireworks display there into a giant Trump campaign rally. The primary viewing area along the steps of the Lincoln Memorial has been ticketed to Republican donors, officials and operatives. There will be tanks and military flyovers and guns and such. It will be nationally televised.

And it culminates with a deeply moving patriotic word salad speech from Dear Leader. MAGA hats will be tossed high into the air as he juts his Mussolini-like jaw towards the darkening sky.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the Mall's Reflecting Pool, by the Washington Monument, there will be the notorious Trump Baby Blimp and the Trump-on-the-Gold-Toilet robot, brought over from England. No tariffs needed on these!

The Trump-on-the-Toilet is notable for the sounds of him muttering Trumpisms while tweeting and farting. This is high comedy, of course, and very much appreciated.

So that's what is happening. We will be exercising our First Amendment rights to demonstrate and call out the encroaching autocracy and very present State of Dumbness in our lives. It is an entirely appropriate way to celebrate our nation's birthday.

Meanwhile here is an excellent story of a couple of kids who are really doing the right thing:

https://www.kansascity.com/opinion/editorials/article232092302.html?wpisrc=nl_daily202&wpmm=1

Setting up a lemonade stand to raise money to help the kids being detained in the border camps. Wow, that gives hope in a time of developing darkness. Maybe we are going to make it after all.

In whatever way you celebrate the Fourth, be safe and remember the rights you enjoy. Remember the state of our nation and how it is threatened. Remember the future.

Just for the fun of it!

Summer time is never a bummer time! When life gets out of hand, as it seems to 24/7 since 11/9/2016, one can simply walk out the front door and catch the good vibes of the season! It's a swell feeling that can last up to three seconds!!

So... how can we stay on the happy side of things for the other 86,397 seconds of the day? It's a good question. Sleeping helps. But too much sleep makes one groggy, out of sorts and feeling like a Fox and Friends viewer.

And the dreams can be dicey. In a dream I had from last night, Trump commandeered everyone's smart phones, except for his. And though I have a dumb phone,  I had to get his incessant, insipid texts all the time. What a nightmare!

Therefore, we need some positive distractions for the rest of the day. So while we still have access to the Internet and smart phones (most of us), here is a hodge-podge of humorous web nooks and crannies that should entertain you when you need it most! Like right now.

Misunderstanding popular song lyrics is a long-standing tradition at The Daily Kibitz. Often, the misheard lyric transcends the original. A favorite from "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" is "Suddenly someone is there by the turnstile, the girl with colitis goes by..." Here are a couple of sites that concentrate on other wonderful examples:

https://twitter.com/AwardsDaily/status/1137232906554728453

Those comments are great. "I thought for years the disco song "I love the nightlife" was "I love to knife fight" and I still prefer my version."

Don't forget "We built this city on sausage rolls" and other great ones here:

https://www.nme.com/blogs/nme-blogs/misheard-song-lyrics-6787

Another long time favorite fun-site is The Onion. Whatever yanks your yen, The Onion is happy to comply. We enjoy their absolutely ruthless takedowns of the Trump Administration. But they are equally adroit at any pursuit of life that can be categorized, or even not! Their truth-telling satire is the most potent since Jonathan Swift. The Onion rules!!

https://www.theonion.com

"Bleeding John Bolton stumbles into Capitol Building Claiming That Iran Shot Him."

The writer Molly Jong-Fast is politically astute and hilarious. Her tweets are pithy and pointed. Check out this twitter thread regarding her take on the recent polling that put Trump behind many Democratic candidates:

https://twitter.com/MollyJongFast/status/1138830497398874112

Shingles 51%, Trump 40%. Stepping on a nail 54%, Trump 46%. Medically unnecessary pelvic exam  52%, Trump 38%.  Funny stuff. The comments that follow her tweets are usually quite good, too.

Trying to figure out what the hell our Chief Executive is saying or tweeting at any given time requires a lot of help. Fortunately, there are sites out there that tackle this subject. "Translate Trump" is one:

https://twitter.com/translaterealdt?lang=en

Here is a site that imagines if Trump were a character in Lord of the Rings: Gollum J. Trump. He tweets in the vernacular of the original Smeagol/Gollum:

https://twitter.com/realgollumtrump?lang=en

Wow. That is inspired stuff.

Here is a twitter account that snarks at Fox News content, and just about anyone who falls within the orbit of Trump/GOP World:

https://twitter.com/badfoxgraphics?lang=en

"They all look the same."

Let's take a look at one of the best there is, Republican strategist and Never-Trumper Rick Wilson. "Everything Trump Touches Dies" is a meme that originated from him. Take a minute to read through an hour's worth of his tweets and retweets, very funny stuff. Here is a sample tweet from when an angry white woman took exception to his foul language:

https://twitter.com/TheRickWilson/status/1139208842624032768

Speaking of white women, there is the remarkable Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian. Her "No Sin Zone" twitter  site is filled with parody and satire aimed at hypocritical right-wing Christians.  Count on Mrs. Betty to always get it right:

https://twitter.com/BettyBowers?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

Moving on, here's an old reliable, Tom the Dancing Bug. Go here for a complete archive of this great cartoon strip. In this edition, Trump appears as Thanos, versus The Avengers, including Captain Nancy Pelosi.:

And another cartoonist fave, Tom Tomorrow, takes a look at the media's reaction to Robert Mueller's video statement about The Mueller Report. For more Tom Tomorrow, here is where you can find bunches of his excellent work: https://thenib.com/tom-tomorrow

Meanwhile, God is hacked off about Twitter threatening to suspend His account:

For more of his divine pronouncements, check it out:     https://twitter.com/TheTweetOfGod/status/1138461712871436288

Speaking of god, Parker Molloy found a way to put Trump's own stupid words onto "Official" White House templates. This quote comes from The Mueller Report, as described by White House Counsel Don McGahn. Also, the resulting comments are good:

https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/1131536504474480640

Jen Sorenson is a wise and funny cartoonist who has been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize a couple of times. She is that good:

http://jensorensen.com

And if you get bogged down or bored, try The Florida Man Challenge.  It's guaranteed that every day of the year holds some type of awful behavior from Florida Men. Simply "google" Florida Man and your birth day and month. Here is what resulted for my Florida Man birthday challenge for November 12:

https://newschannel9.com/news/offbeat/florida-man-breaks-into-restaurant-strips-naked-eats-noodles-plays-bongos

Oh, ho ho. Well, we hope that these help in getting your summer started on the up beat. Also, too, remember that old reliable, The New Yorker. Enjoy your three seconds!

"Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?"

"I've been up to London to visit the Queen..." Whether or not he frightened a mouse under a chair like in the old poem, our President Pussy-grabber did create entertainment for everyone in the UK and beyond.

As he and his posse arrived there, Maggie Haberman of the New York Times described the Trumps as America's Royal Family. This created a national moment of retch. Then Fox & Friends breathlessly reported how the Trumps were to be welcomed at Buckingham Palace, and then became confused because of protests that were planned. Protests against Trump? How could that be? Aren't they supposed to be our allies?

Well, it was all much ado about something or other. As they usually do, the Trump White House put on a happy face and spoke of how fantastic things really were. Very beautiful, and frankly, the best ever, people have told them, the likes of which have never been seen before.

And as the official publicity photos of Trumps Do The Palace entered the internets, the fun began:

There was a highly-viewed seven second stroll with the Queen that featured Trump's belly preceding the rest of him:

https://twitter.com/Stop_Trump20/status/1135931863162339329

He really is a great big tub of goo, one whose corset has given way under the strain. Anyway, they were on the way to the banquet hall. Trump probably was hoping for his usual two scoops of ice cream while everyone else gets one (hence the mob nickname "Donny Two Scoops").

The rest of the Trump kids were there, too, inexplicably. Except for poor Barron, who was probably grounded by his dad for not groveling enough, the loser. No official word as to why U.S. taxpayers were paying for Eric, Don Jr., Tiffany and other non-governmental family folk. But we did get a chance to witness Senior White House Advisor Ivanka Trump display her unique fashion sense:

Perhaps she was suffering from some sort of massive head injury.

Anyway, preceding all this pomp and poultry, the Trump entourage needed to get to the palace on time for dinner. But dinner only! Unlike previous presidential visits, the Trumps were told they could not stay overnight at Buckingham. It is being renovated. There are 775 rooms there, including 52 bedrooms. But no, no, so sorry, renovations, don't you know. Also, no carriage ride with the Queen, and definitely no address before Parliament!!

So the Presidential Family and White House motorcade proceeded along the route that the royal carriage would have taken. But something was missing here... where were all the people? The official route along the mall to Buckingham Palace was nearly vacant!! When Obama was here, the place was packed and rocking. With Trump: nearly empty. Here is a wonderful series of revealing tweets and photos that include two brief interviews with police on the scene:

https://twitter.com/damocrat/status/1135556208239267841

Oh, ho ho. That is some funny stuff therein. Where are those tremendous crowds of supporters that Fox News had been promising? They must be lining up elsewhere for tickets to his second inaugural...

Meanwhile, there were plenty of actual people gathering for protests. And they protested very well. Here is a fine gallery of the best photos:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-london-protest-signs_n_5cf641e3e4b0e346ce848c3f?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAHG_taKAodA0BSuWZHGIwc0v_FO2PAxRSM1Lcbc-kNdbNePmSPYsp2ULN7JjYUq_4_k6Z_XqZUpa7al--7BAWooCHdnxlpfcpd3tCAGhIFkH4AP0sBUKox2VWfrERxUyKK0aRiq6sDFxvxGWzTWUNglt14yHl-TGCK-93t8UwtDG

Among the many favorites, here is a projected image on the Tower of London:

This excellent projected image was brought to you all by the chuckleheads at "Led By Donkeys". Here is their twitter feed with a bunch more, including projected images of USS McCain hats, billboards with cringeworthy statements from Trump and his supporters, and other really fine tweets:

https://twitter.com/ByDonkeys

And here are a couple other personal favorite pix. From near a protest route:

The next day even more people appeared to protest the President. A highlight included a Trump portable robot-statue tweeting (and farting) on a gold toilet while saying he's a stable genius:

OK, it's not exactly Oscar Wilde-grade wit, but it is funny. Here's the guy responsible for the robot-statue and the fabled Trump Baby Balloon in a fun 30-second interview:

https://twitter.com/Stop_Trump20/status/1136232224590876673

"I'm not debasing him. He's debasing America." Perfectly stated.

Apparently, the BBC News agreed. An entire time block featured the Trump Baby Balloon alongside the news anchor and guests:

But all good fun has to come to an end. The Trumps headed over to Ireland, where Donald wanted to have a televised meeting with the Irish Prime Minister -- at a Trump golf course!!! Thankfully, the PM didn't feel the Trump property would be an appropriate backdrop. That didn't stop our President from telling the PM to build a border wall. He can't help himself.

Next up, France!! By most accounts, he has behaved himself at Normandy. He soberly stuck to the teleprompter to deliver a short speech without any nasty asides. But as it turns out, he did pull a Trump before the ceremony began. He spoke with Fox News with the cemetery graves as a backdrop. And with those thousands of U.S. soldier graves clearly seen in the background, he insulted Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Special Counsel Robert Mueller (as a Marine, Mueller was the recipient of the Purple Heart, Bronze Star with Valor, two Navy Commendation medals, and a Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry... Trump compiled 5 draft deferments). Another national moment of retch. Neither responded to his insults. Pelosi, in particular, reminded reporters that she (like every other national politician) does not ever comment on the President while he is away, or while she is.

It's all fun and laughs... until it isn't. Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight!