As an anxious America awaits for Congress and the U.S. Treasury to construct an RTC-style holding entity for stinko financial products, Democratic leaders moved to put forth some time-sensitive legislation: Congress Lowers Drinking Age To 17 Just For Jenny's Party The Onion - America's Finest News Source
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CNBC BREAKING NEWS: November 4th Election cancellation bill passed the house and is now off to the Senate
Congress figured that since they were batting 100% today, that they might as well pass a bill to cancel the November 4th elections. Likewise, under a little known clause in the Patriot Act, George Bush has declared himself as Commander in Chief for life and has merged the Treasury Dept, The Fed, The SEC, The FDIC, and the Office of Homeland Security in an effort keep this great DEMOCRATIC nation safe from all threats of terrorism, be they planes crashing into buildings in NYC or a massive short interest in all listed US financial institutions. Over the weekend, the administration will announce another "incentive" plan whereby every American will receive a $600 check which can be redeemed via online code through any online brokerage company. To redeem your $600 you must buy the stock of any US financial company on or after October 2, 2008 - the check being invalid for any other purchase or exchange for cash (in any denomination). This scheme will keep America strong in the face of those evildoing short-sellers who lurk in dark alleys with their PDA's waiting for opportunities to bankrupt your oft-neglected 401Ks and other oft-neglected retirement accounts (w/o which, the govt might need to up the monthly SSI stipend for seniors as well as allow all our seniors medical expenses and prescriptions under Medicare). Likewise, this bold step will preserve the hefty golden parachutes of all those Wall Street executives and Sr. Staff which would, otherwise w/o these bold moves on the part of the administration, have to apply as Walmart and Best Buy greeters like normal laid off staffers of formerly great but now defunct Wall Street entities which the administration allowed to fail just because, well, it didn't like them much anyhow.
Does bailing out AIG with our tax dollars mean that we have to pay to insure ourselves twice?
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